The other night we were watching television and I said "You know, I'd like to just curl up in bed with a good book for an entire day."
"Why don't you do it then?" he says "Anything for you, babe. In fact why don't you do that for a few days?"
I laughed and said, "What?! Then who will make your dinner? Clean your house? Take care of your business calls and mail? Care for the kids? etc? etc? Sure I can take a break, but that doesn't mean the chores go away. It just means they pile up and wait for me."
He looked at me sternly and replies, "You think I'd just let everything fall apart? I can manage. I don't like living in chaos and filth any more than you."
Now why did he ask me that question. We've got 4 children and expecting #5 really soon. I've never been able to sit and rest after the birth of a baby. Too much work to be done! He cannot possibly work as hard as I do, I thought. He doesn't do as much laundry. He doesn't dust or sanitize floors. He won't take care of the dry cleaning. AND worst of all, he doesn't cook!
I told him that I'd never be able to explain how much work goes into running our house. Cooking and cleaning are only the tip of the iceberg. I sat and thought about all the unspoken tasks I complete that he or no one else is aware of. All the times that I had to take out the tool set to repair broken chairs or tighten the door henge. Purging and organizing file cabinets. Scrubbing baseboards and kitchen grouts. Going through hundreds of recipes and planning meals so that no one gets tired of the same ol' thing. Hours of stripping cloth diapers and spending extra time to treat stains to perfection. Making the perfect laundry detergent and fabric softener. Taking care of the dogs. My goodness! I'm exhausted just writing about it. I told him those things and expected for his eyes to open wide in amazement. Much to my dismay, he didn't seem to care at all! He said he'd rather have a happy well rested wife. It almost made me mad... but I began to think instead.
I asked myself, "Who are you REALLY working for?"
I asked myself, "Who are you REALLY working for?"
Well, my husband and kids, of course... right?
I began to think about all of those things I do on a daily basis and I realized that 80% of the work I do doesn't matter much to the people I'm working for. My kids don't care that I spent 2 hours preparing a meal nor do they care or notice that I polished their furniture. They do notice that I didn't have time to finish that art project with them. Or that I got too caught up reorganizing closets that I didn't have time to provide them with pajamas in their drawers. I'm very fortunate to have a husband who's easy to please. He doesn't care if we have Chicken Marsala or Hamburger Helper, or even cereal, for supper. He doesn't care about or notice clean grouts or sparkling ovens. But he does notice that his wife hasn't brushed her teeth yet becasue I hit the ground running this morning in order to get at least 3 loads of laundry done before lunch time.
All of these things don't mean squat to my family. I do all these things for ME. It makes me feel good that my house is immaculate. It makes me feel good to be the perfect housewife. It makes me feel good when people are amazed at how well I'm able to keep it together with "so many kids" to care for. I was really working for ME and for the approval of others outside of our household.
I wrote this entry because I'm almost certain that many mother/wife puts these unnecessary pressures upon themselves. We tend to focus on the wrong things and in the process, our families' real needs get neglected. I take on added stresses to strive for perfection becasue some people are expecting me fail. Not only am I young, but I have waaaay too many kids to get work done around the house <eye roll>. I believe a lot of moms compare themselves to others and seek to somehow outdo each other in housekeeping skills.
After that night, I apologized to my husband repeatedly. I thought I was doing really good (and I really was and I am), but I was missing a big part of my job: Working for my family. I thanked him for helping me to see that. The virtuous wife will give her husband what he needs and desires. My husband wants a happy, well-rested, fresh looking wife. Not alphabetized canned goods and freshly pressed linen!
Now, I won't completely stop doing all of that extra work, but I will definitely keep my priorities in check. So, ladies, before you do any more major tasks, ask yourself, "Who am I REALLY working for? Does this really matter to anyone other than me? Do my husband and kids have everything they need? Will this task make me too tired to spend time with them this evening when they really need me?"
